I’ve Got Myself A Threenager

I’ve Got Myself A Threenager

Around this time 4 years ago in 2011 I found myself holding a positive pregnancy test. We had planned for that day, every month we had hoped for that day, but when that day came it was a shock. My initial thought was "oh shit, it's in there now and there's only one way out". Stephen didn't believe me when he returned home from work. Me waving a tiny strip with 2 faint lines wasn't convincing enough for him. He made me go and buy one of those tests that actually says the words "PREGNANT" and even then he had to go and have a lie down.(You'll learn more about how dramatic Stephen is in future posts no doubt).

Fast forward 9 months, an 18 hour labour and an emergency c-section (I guess he did find another way out after all) and we had our baby boy, Jude. He was a mass of hair and a face like his father. No Jeremy Kyle DNA test needed here. Blissfully unaware of what was to come in later years we were happy to become parents.

Now, well now I am the proud owner of a threenager. For those of you who don't own one of these, the definition is

"A Threenager is a person, 3 years of age possessing the attitude of a teenager"

These little souls are sensitive, explosive and should be approached with extreme caution. If a piece of toast is cut too small, cut the wrong shape, or, in my case I haven't achieved the perfect platter of 3 honey triangles and 1 jam you are made to feel like the worst human being in the world.

Now I am not suggesting you pander to all these demands and quirks these small people screech...but it certainly makes for an easier time. I've lost count the amount of times I have had to phone Santa (yes, Santa has been on speed dial since August) and I phone 'the naughty man' at least 26 times a day, I'm thinking of actually employing a person to fill this position, but surely it's just part of the process right? Everyone goes through the threenager stage? Couples who have more than one child know that they will inevitably reach this stage again? so it can't be that bad. can it? Here's a few things I've encountered, baring in mind that Jude only turned 3 in July, so I have plenty of drama to come...

1. Screaming he needs everything in three's because he is 3. Or he wants 4 because he is "nearly" 4.
2. Waking up at 6:36am and demanding to play play-doh RIGHT NOW or he will throw something at me.
3. He's convinced me driving at 30mph is too slow, but 32mph is simply far too fast and we need to slow down RIGHT NOW!
4. Everything has to be done RIGHT NOW!
5. When he's been naughty I'm told that "you have to apologise first mummy for making me do it".
6. He has become highly skilled in the art of blackmail.
7. "Why?" is not used as an actual question, but more to ensue a string of bizarre answers from me that he can tell is slowly frying my brain.
8. I caught Jude actually practising his crying face in the mirror, BUSTED!

Jude has his moments, he fills my day with endless questions, demands and witty one-liners, but I wouldn't change him for the world. When you've read them 4 bedtimes stories, made them 3 different drinks because it wasn't the right flavour and taken them to the toilet for just "one last wee", a little voice will say "mummy you're my best friend, I love you", their eyes close and you secretly can't wait for them to wake as you miss them already.

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